On the 4th Monday of every month I will be sharing the thoughts of other people who are starting to embrace their #CanbaceLife. As she was so instrumental in the creation of Canbace I am so pleased that Brandi Lytle, of Not So Mommy, is doing me the honour of being my first official #CourageousCanbacer. As always Brandi’s perspective is beautiful, powerful, thoughtful and empowering ….
The CANBACE Process
What are your views on the childLESS/childFREE dilemma?
Personally, I say that I am childless, not childfree. It is extremely important to me that I not be identified as “childfree” because I do not want the kiddos in my life (nieces, nephews, our exchange daughter) to ever feel as if I want to be free of them. Although I don’t particularly like being called “childless,” I feel it is a more accurate description of who I am.
What were your thoughts when you first heard the word “Canbace”?
Well, I was blessed to be a part of the discussions which led up to “canbace.” (In fact, my “Plan B: Redefine” blog helped inspire Nicci to create this amazing new word!) I adore canbace and all that it stands for. As I have begun to incorporate this word into my speech, I have discovered (like Nicci) that is it much more than a word; it truly is a lifestyle. It is living the #CanbaceLife! It has allowed me to move beyond being childless not by choice without having to embrace childfree. My new, beautiful, and courageous existence includes my kiddos, my fur babies, and so much more!
What is the biggest sign that you are Canbacing?
I think I have been canbacing for a while, but I didn’t have the proper words to express this. (That is another reason I am so grateful that Nicci created this new word!) When I started blogging, I said that describing myself is complicated because I was (am) a wife, dog mom, aunt, host mom, uniquely me. I am redefining momhood for myself, which I used to explain as “living this imperfectly perfect life.” Now, I say I am living my “canbace life!”
What future changes do you hope to see/experience as you fully embrace your Canbace status?
I hope that I continue to show the world who I truly am, which is so much more than an infertile woman who wasn’t able to have biological children. I pray that others within our tribe fully embrace canbace so that true healing and moving forward can take place. I want fellow childless not by choice warriors to realize that moving forward can be more than finding Plan B. Moving forward can involve creating an entirely new existence. Canbace gives us choices! And that is so powerful!
Now that you are living your #CanbaceLife ….
What three negatives words associated with your childless life are you looking forward to ditching, and why is it important to leave these behind?
Honestly, my biggest fear about being childless was always loneliness. Lonely, sad, empty… That is how I pictured a life without children.
My life, however, is far from lonely, sad, or empty! As I continue to embrace canbace, I have a feeling that I will connect with even more people, find even more reasons to be joyful, and continue to live a very fulfilling life…
What three positive words do you want to associate your #CanbaceLife with and why are these important to you?
I alluded to these words in my previous answer—connection (relationships), joy, and fulfilment. I want to know that my life has made a difference. Even though my hubby and I couldn’t have biological kids, I still believe we have a purpose on this Earth. Now, I know that we have a purpose. Embracing canbace is helping me to continue to find my purpose, as I connect with others and share the joy of Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence.
What words of hope and encouragement would you give to people who are still feeling so hurt by their experience that they aren’t quite ready to Canbace?
The best advice I ever received was from my hubby. He said, “It’s okay to be sad. Just don’t stay there.” So, allow yourself to grieve and feel all the feels. But don’t get stuck in your grief.
I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite blogs that I’ve written – 41 and Childless, which I believe shows what my hubby’s advice really looks like..
Your #CanbaceLife soundtrack
What song would you include on your #CanbaceLife Soundtrack and why?
During our Ten-Year Vow Renewal (which was seven years into our infertility battle), I sang “I’m Letting Go” by Francesca Battistelli, as a slideshow of our puppies, nieces, and nephews played. I didn’t know it at the time, but I truly think that is when I started the transition into tentatively accepting being childless not by choice. It took three more years, however, before I truly faced the fact that I was indeed childless.
Five years into accepting my childless not by choice life, CANBACE has been created and has truly allowed me to “let go” of the past and embark on a new, beautiful and courageous existence. Because of this, I think that song I sang so many years ago is a perfect fit for my #CanbaceLife Soundtrack. “I’m Letting Go” reminds me of beautiful moments with the kids in my life and the fact that I was strong enough to let go of one dream so that I could fully embrace another…
What specific lyrics resonate with you?
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Thank you Brandi for sharing your thoughts on Canbace and how your #CanbaceLife is already having a positive impact on your life. You can connect with Brandi on Social Media via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram
Sharing how you are living your #CanbaceLife will help you celebrate your successes. It can also help inspire people who have not started to Canbace yet. Click here to find out how you can share you story …
Be kind to yourself …
In Canbace friendship
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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