Two weeks ago, I wrote about the huge number of changes that our happening in our lives. Since then even more changes have happened.
My back problems, which had been filed in the “mildly annoying yet bearable” category, decided to flare up. So much so I’ve retired to bed with multiple ice packs.
I’m not on “bed rest” because that is not good for back problems.
I get up and walk around every hour, much as I do when working at my desk. However, I am working from bed as I cannot sit in a chair for more than 3 minutes at a time.
I digress.
As Rabbit Holes and Quicksand was becoming incredibly long, I ended up splitting the blog in two. This 2nd part shares my tips on how to deal with change.
These are the 10 steps that I will be using to build my ladder to a positive future that will finally enable me to climb out of my rabbit hole once and for all.
What’s great about them is that they are generic. Not being linked to any specific change, I can continue to use them no matter what else the universe decides to throw at us. It also means they can help you, if your life is also in flux.
Acknowledge the changes
Sometimes we can be in denial that things are changing, or that they need to change. We can feel so secure in our rabbit hole that we don’t want to explore what the rest of the world has to offer. However, it’s difficult to deal with something if we refuse to accept that it is happening.
Even good change can be stressful
This can be a hard concept to get your head around. Surely if the change is positive, we’ll embrace it and not feel stressed. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Change causes stress in part due to the fear of the unknown. Think about moving into your dream house or starting your dream job. Full of excitement AND stress.
Find stability in your regular schedule
The more change experienced the more important this is. You need to find a fixed point in your day/week. Something that you can rely on happening no matter what. This could be enjoying pizza in front of the TV every Friday or attending attend your art class. These fixed points give your mind the chance to breathe and let go. You are on solid ground. Your mind can live in the moment rather than worry about an unknown future.
Be healthy
I know that I mentioned Pizza as being important. However, it does need to be in moderation. Most of us comfort eat. It is normal. It’s also OK as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. Limit yourself to one or two treats a week that you REALLY enjoy. The rest of the time eat as healthily as you can.
Work that body
We’ve all heard the saying “Healthy body healthy mind”. Well it’s true. The brain contains neurotransmitters that send chemical messages around the body. These include chemicals that control appetite, sleep and mood. Exercise releases the brains feel-good chemical called endorphins. More endorphins means less stress or fear related chemicals.
Luckily you don’t have to run a marathon: simply getting up and moving around starts the process. Once we start the body helps. By starting to move endorphins are released, that makes you feel better, which encourages you to move more.
An upward, win-win spiral!
No person is an island
Sometimes when we are struggling, we batten down the hatches and hide. We can become very insular. The challenges that we face become our whole world. Becoming so close to the problems means we can’t see a way out. We also can’t see the bigger picture and we can’t see opportunities that might be obvious to other people.
We need to share.
Which gives us another challenge.
How much? Who do we talk to?
This is very much a personal choice. The important thing is to find the right person/people for your particular situation. It’s not easy. This is something I struggle with. I share a huge amount of details about certain things, yet I am very private about others.
The positives of enforced change
Whilst positive change can be stressful, enforced change can be worse. However, there can be positives even in changes that you are not looking forward to. Perhaps a change in your role at work has resulted in discovering a strength or skill that had previously been untapped. Eating more healthily and doing more exercise to help reduce stress could mean a drop in weight, so you’re now able to get into that pair of jeans for the first time in years.
Carpe Diem
I mentioned in Rabbit holes and quicksand that I was suffering from paralysis. There was no point in making any decisions because they would quickly become null and void. I had changed from a flamingo into an ostrich with my head buried firmly in the sand. However, deciding NOT to do something is actually a choice.
So surely if I could make that decision, I could make others.
When feeling like this it is important to remember that we make decision based on what we believe is the RIGHT choice AT THIS TIME. If it turns out to be a poor choice later there is NOTHING to beat yourself up about. Changing from a reactive to a proactive mindset is key here. Fear of change is often because of not feeling in control. So, take control of SOMETHING …. ANYTHING.
Focused venting
As well as seeking support from people we trust we also need to have someone we can vent to without fear of judgement. It IS important to vent. We have to find some outlet for our pent-up emotions. Something that involves talking about our feelings rather than pounding them into the ground by running or smashing a squash ball against a wall.
Yet venting for venting’s sake can become a downward spiral. The more you vent your feelings of fear or frustration the more fear or frustration you feel. Both emotions feed on themselves. So, we need to vent with a purpose. When you vent have a definite end to the “letting off steam” bit. Then move onto the “now I’ve got that off my chest what can I do to change this?” phase.
Use Social Media with care
When your life is in flux it is easy to start comparing your life to that of your friends. As our tribe stretches all around the world this often takes place on Social Media. Facebook is a godsend helping us to connect with other people like us. I really don’t know what people struggling with infertility or being childless-not-by-choice did before Facebook. It’s certainly saved my bacon on numerous occasions.
However, and it is a HUGE “however”.
There is a problem with Social Media. It shows us a snapshot of other people’s lives. Whilst people may share more in private support groups their timeline posts can often be misleading. They don’t show the reality of their lives.
So, don’t compare your live with what you see on Social Media. You will be comparing your “warts and all” life with their “what we want the world to see” life.
In signing off please remember:
You are strong. You are deserving. Be kind to yourself today, tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come.
In Canbace friendship
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. Mention that your comment is NOT for publication and I will keep your words private.
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