At the moment I feel as if I have fallen down a rabbit hole. Not only that, the rabbit hole is surrounded by quicksand.
Whilst there is a degree of comfort being in the hole, I don’t REALLY want to stay in here any longer. I’ve been in here for over a year now. It’s time to escape and re-join the world.
My trouble is that I’m not quite sure how.
I’ve jumped up and down to look over the top.
Sometimes I would get a glimpse of the rest of the world. Yet it wasn’t for long enough to KNOW how to reach it.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve found a number of different ladders. I’ve put these up against the rim of the rabbit hole in turn. Then I’ve carefully climbed to the top and taken a good look around. It was then that I discovered the quicksand.
Not much point in leaving the hole only to find myself facing a different set of challenges.
I would hastily climb down the ladder: I didn’t want to linger at the top in case I fell out of the rabbit hole and into the quicksand.
At the bottom I would choose a different ladder and use that to see if a different area was more secure.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t. None of the ladders I found led me to a path through which to leave.
Perhaps I should mention at this stage that my ladders are the different options I have for moving Canbace forward. These include our new blogging scheduling and when to launch our first courses and which order to launch them in.
The feeling of being surrounded by quicksand is because each time Andrew and I decide on our “next step” something happens. It changes everything and we must go back to the drawing board.
The quicksand isn’t limited to the business side of Canbace. Our personal endeavours to Create A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence are also involved.
Take Monday for instance
We both knew exactly what we our priorities were and how we were moving forward for the next three months.
At 11am we received a phone call from our estate agent.
“Could I bring someone to view the house this afternoon at 2:30PM?”
“Yes of course!”
Enter Andrew and I running around like the Keystone Cops quickly tidying up. Fortunately, we got everything done in time, except eating something.
The couple who viewed the house obviously really liked it. They were here for nearly an hour and a half. You don’t invest that time if the house doesn’t have potential.
As of writing this we haven’t had any feedback so currently nothing has changed. However, that possibility is lurking in the background. Which is unsettling. It feeds into the fear of the unknown. If the viewing does result in an offer that we can accept, of course we will. Even though that means EVERYTHING will change.
We simply won’t have the time or energy to pack up the house and move whilst growing Canbace the way we have planned.
Whilst we thought we had finally found firm ground we discover we are standing on the edge of quicksand again.
Don’t get me wrong.
It’s not that I don’t handle change well. I do. Usually.
It’s just that at the moment so much is changing. I can’t move forward with ANYTHING with confidence because nothing is remaining static.
The result is paralysis
What is the point of doing anything when all that effort could be for nothing?
It’s a feeling I remember well from my darkest days of infertility grief.
What’s the point?
Well the point is that the pain of remaining at the bottom of my rabbit hole is greater that the fear of what lies ahead.
Which means that it is time for action. Fortunately, I do have a strategy now. Something generic that will help me no matter what occurs in the future.
As this blog is already fairly long, I’m not going to share this strategy now. It’s scheduled to be published in two weeks’ time. I will provide a link here when it’s available to read.
The delay in publishing “part 2” is one areas of quicksand relating to this blog. We made the decision that Andrew and I would both write one blog a month. The other blogs each month would be focusing on the “what not to say” series and a new series we’ve got planned.
Yet less than two days after agreeing this was our way forward with the blog I had 3am inspiration. By the end of that sleepless night I had six or seven ideas for blogs and it simply didn’t feel right that these would be published over six months. That felt FAR too long.
We discussed it again.
Should we stick to the schedule we’d just published?
Do we both writing two bogs a month and then two from each series?
Is there a different schedule that we haven’t thought of yet?
Quicksand all around us!
We eventually decided that I will write two blogs a month. Andrew will write his #CaribbeanCanbacing blog once a month. The 4th blog of the month will be the new series which we feel need to be shared at this time. We have plans for the #WhatNotToSay series which we will announce later.
However, I don’t like writing about coping with immense change without including SOMETHING that can help you if you are struggling with this too.
A bonus for reading to the end!
The symptoms we experience a stress are caused by chemicals released from the brain. Fortunately, there are a couple of “feel-good” chemicals that can help alleviate the symptoms of stress. What’s great is that can both be released easily by one simple action. These hormones are dopamine and serotonin. There is even better news. This same simple action also decreases the production of cortisol which is a stress producing hormone.
What’s the action?
Laughter!
So, when you’re feeling overwhelmed and stress, don’t reach for the bottle, reach for your favourite comedian and LAUGH!
Until next time remember:
You are strong. You are brave. You are worthy.
Be kind to yourself today, tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come.
In Canbace friendship
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. Mention that your comment is NOT for publication and I will keep your words private.
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