Today is all about writing “letters from our hearts”, specifically letters to our unborn children. Whilst I have written my letter to Grace, I am not sharing it today. Instead I want to align this blog with my Ethos of empowering people as they break free from their grief and move towards a CANBACE life.
Ever since I heard the term “emotional writing” I have been fascinated. I’ve bought several book on the subject to learn more as I believe this to be a very important technique that helps people recover from emotional trauma. In this very long blog I share with you what I have discovered.
As well as written content I’ve created three videos each covering a different technique that will help you with your emotional writing. The videos are between five and ten minutes long so that they are easier to watch. If I’ve used slides in the video I’ve added them to the website so that you can download them for future reference. Now that the introduction’s over let’s begin ….
What is emotional writing
Emotional writing is another term for writing that heals or cathartic writing. It is also sometimes called expressive writing. Whatever the term used the basic idea is the same: writing about a traumatic experience can help us move forward. It can help us find inner peace, gain a new perspective or heal emotional pain. Emotional Writing can be a one-off experience as in writing your letter during World Childless Week or you can incorporate it into your proactive healing by regularly writing in a journal. For clarification journaling is looking inward whilst writing a diary is outward looking.
Health benefits of emotional writing
- Reduces stress
- Improves immune system
Reduced blood pressure- Improves lung function
- Improves liver function
- Reduced visits to the Doctor
- Reduced time spent in hospital (if hospitalised)
- Improved mood
- Greater sense of well-being
- Reduces depression
- Reduces use on avoidance techniques
- Increase desire to eat more healthily
- Increased motivation to exercise
Social and behavioural benefits
- Reduced absenteeism from work
- Quicker re-employment after job loss
Improved working memory- Improved sporting performance
- Improved studying/work performance
- Better integration with teams
- More efficient and effective at work
- Improves your IQ
- Encourages living in “the now”
- Helps to achieve goals
- Increases emotional intelligence
- Improves memory and comprehension
- Strengthens your self-discipline
- Improves communication skills
- Promotes emotional and physical healing
- Encourages creativity
- Boosts your self-confidence
The emotional writing process
As you know by now I am a very logical creative person, so I love having a structure or process to follow. This is my step-by-step guide to emotional writing that heals.
Step 1: Initial Preparation
This isn’t as daunting as it might sound. You basically need to keep the following in mind and you’ll be fine:
- Give yourself enough time to write. Don’t schedule some emotional writing half an hour before you are about to go out, or have an important meeting. You need time to write and you need time to recover afterwards.
Give yourself space to write. Find somewhere quiet and away from distractions. Make this place as calm and pleasant as possible. Consider playing some relaxing music or lighting scented candles: lavender is very good for calming the mind.- Give yourself permission to feel. I know this might sound a ridiculous thing to mention: however. Emotional writing will not work if you don’t connect with your emotions. Whilst you are writing it is OK to feel anger, grief, hopelessness. These are all perfectly normal emotions to experience so give yourself permission to feel them.
- Give yourself time find your balance. Emotional writing can be, well, very emotional. You will probably feel drained at the end of it. Make sure you have box of tissues to hand in case you need them. Plan some self-care for immediately afterwards if you can, or after a slight delay. Treat yourself kindly until you regain your emotional balance.
- Give yourself permission not to feel OK. If it takes a little longer to regain your balance after your emotional writing session that is perfectly OK. Continue to treat yourself kindly. Seek support from people who will understand and not be judgemental. Do not feel guilty about the length of time it is taking you to recover. Do be sensible though: if the wobble starts to grow and threatens to overpower you seek professional help.
Step 2: Final preparations
- What are you going to write about? Are you going to write about anything that comes into your mind or are you going to focus on a particular subject? There is no right or wrong answer to this: it’s simply a matter of choice. It could, of course, be a mixture of the two. There is nothing wrong with planning to write about a particular emotion that has been bothering you and then going off at a tangent to write about other things that have come up.
- What is the purpose of your writing? Are you writing only to heal so your words are for “your eyes only” or are you thinking you might share your writing with other people at some stage? Again, there is no right or wrong answer to this. It is perfectly acceptable to change your mind at a later time. Remember you are in charge and you do what is right for you.
- How are you going to write? Now this might seem a strange one! What I mean by this is, are you going to type or use pen and paper? If you are writing the “old fashioned way” you may want to consider purchasing a special note book for your emotional writing. That way you can keep it safe and you are “saying” to your brain that this is important to you.
Step 3: the emotional writing session
One of the easiest emotional writing techniques that I know is called “Free Writing”. In this short video I explain what is meant by “free writing”, why it works, the “rules” that you need to follow during your writing session.
One of the most important rules for free writing is that you never stop writing to think about what to write next. You also don’t stop writing to analyse what you have already written. This means occasional you end up writing “I don’t know what you write about next. I don’t know what to write about next.” Until you break the loop and get inspiration. Some people find creating a mind map a short time before the writing session can help overcome this challenge. Having spent ten minutes jotting down ideas about how you feel when people believe that endometriosis is simply bad period pain you are less likely to get stuck for ideas.
If you are not familiar with mind maps, or you want a refresher session, I’ve recorded two short videos to help. Although the initial slides are similar these videos are different!
Introduction to mind maps
Seven Steps to Successful Mind Maps
You can download copies of the mindmaps here …Introduction to Mind Maps and Seven Steps to Successful Mind Maps
If mind maps really aren’t “your thing” another neat trick is to change what you write whilst you are waiting for inspiration. So, rather than writing “I don’t know what to write about” consider writing “People’s attitudes to endometriosis pain makes me want to scream”. After you’ve written that sentence a couple of times you could graduate to “People’s attitudes towards endometriosis pain makes me want to scream because …..” and away you go!
You can read my “Beautiful perspectives on the benefits of emotional writing Part 1” here.
I’ve also written a blog and recorded a short video about what to do with your letters once you have written them. You can read/watch here.
It may seem a little strange, even cruel, to leave you hanging for over two weeks. However, the first thing you do is let your writing (and your emotions) settle. So, this is part of the process. Whilst you are waiting for the blog to be published continue to practice self-care and be gentle on yourself.
Writing Mentoring
Finally, putting on my writing mentoring hat for a moment….
If you think you might like to take your writing one step further by starting a blog or writing a book I would like to offer you a FREE 30-minute brain storming session. We can focus on anything that you wish as you tap into the experience that I have gained during my time writing for The Writing Magazine, and my knowledge as a qualified Life Coach. As a writing mentor I combine this knowledge, with my 15 years as a business analyst training and course creator, to help people through the wonderful yet challenging experience of writing a book (or blog). The brain-storming session is completely without obligation.
If you would like to arrange a free session, please either post a comment below (which I won’t publish) or email me at:
nicci[at]Canbace[dot]com
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know. I will keep your words private.
Click the image below to read Brandi Lytle’s blog “The Power of Writing: From Infertile to Canbace …
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