In last week’s “Existence can be hard” blog I focused on “never” being a very long time. I explained how by believing that you will “never” heal or find acceptance you are preventing any tiny, unknown seeds of hope that healing is achievable wither away to nothing. Today I’m looking at why focusing on the impossible is also an unhelpful strategy.
Impossible is just a word
Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn’t dreamt of being the homecoming queen or making a Century at Lords? And how many times have we dreamt of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?
We often dream big dreams and have great aspirations, yet our dreams remain just that – dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic.
This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self-actualisation, we are caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day sometimes barely existing.
But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we stopped restricting ourselves by focusing on the impossible nature of situations.
The impossible dream
In his song “The Impossible Dream” Andy Williams wishes:
“To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go”
If those are not words written to resonate with people who are childless not by choice and inspire those who are striving to Canbace I don’t know what are.
He goes on to sing that:
“This is my quest,
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far”
Well one of the things that would help Andy Williams and the many thousands of people who are struggling to follow that “impossible dream” is to stop thinking of it as impossible.
The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can’t do this. It’s too hard. It’s too impossible. No one can do this. However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment. For example:
The impossible four-minute mile
In terms of running, the sub four-minute mile had been a goal since at least 1886. In his book “3:59.4 – The Quest to Break the 4 Minute Mile” John Bryant explains why people had begun to believe that this goal was impossible. “For years milers had been striving against the clock, but the elusive four minutes had always beaten them. It had become as much a psychological barrier as a physical one. And like an unconquerable mountain, the closer it was approached the more daunting it seemed.”
That was until 6th May 1954 when Roger Bannister smashed the world record by almost two seconds: in running that is a huge margin! It had taken over 60 years for someone to break the sub four-minute mile and then on 21st June 1954 Australia’s John Landy runs 3:58 and we’ve suddenly got a world record that is UNDER four minute by 2 seconds. That new record didn’t stand for long. On 7th August 1954 both Bannister and Landry competed in the first race where TWO men had run under four minutes. A little over 13 weeks later and there have been three more sub four-minute miles. What is going on?
Incidentally my father was at Oxford at this time and knew Roger Bannister. I’d like to think that he was somewhere in the crowd cheering Banister on!
The Impossible female long distance runners
Staying with the running theme for a little longer in the 1960s and 1970s it was thought that women where physically incapable of long-distance running. At that time women were barred from competing as long-distance runners including in the Olympics. Some of the reasons for this was that fear that women would get big legs, grow hair on their chests and that their uterus would fall out. In 1967 Switzer registered for the Boston Marathon signing her names with her initials “K.V.Switzer”.
This meant that her gender was not obvious until the day of the race. During the race the Race Director was seen to be physically attempting to stop her from competing. Thankfully attitudes have changed since then. In fact, the current woman’s marathon world record (Paula Radcliff, London Marathon, 13 April 2003 in a mixed race) is only 12 mins 28 seconds slower than the current men’s world record. Women not capable – phfffff!
The impossible speed of trains
When trains were first invented there was a huge amount of concern about their safety. This wasn’t completely restricted to the obvious fears about engines exploding. Once that understandably worrying design fault was satisfactorily dealt with fears about what the human body could withstand remained. Stephenson recounted one reaction to faster locomotives when he addressed a Parliamentary committee. When talking about reaching speeds of 10 mph Stephenson explains one gentleman “inquired if I was a foreigner, another hinted that I was mad”.
Later critics were concerned that “women’s bodies were not designed to go at 50 miles and hour” and worried that “[female passengers’] uteruses would fly out of [their]bodies as they were accelerated to that speed”. Whilst the link between speed, endurance and uteruses seems to be a common worry for many men’s minds it wasn’t the only concern. In The Invisible Plague: the Rise of Mental Illness from 1750 to the Present [Edwin Fuller Torrey and Judy Miller] explain “trains were believed to injure the brain. In particular, the jarring motion of the train was alleged to unhinge the mind and either drive sane people mad or trigger violent outbursts from a latent lunatic”.
The impossible power of the computer
In 1943 the Chairman of IBM, Thomas Watson, was famously quoted as saying “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers”. When you consider the computing power in even your most basic mobile phone, I think he was a little wide of the mark. Andrew and I aren’t particularly “tech reliant” any more: we have a laptop each, a Television that isn’t a television (it’s a computer), one mobile between the two of us (I did say we’re weren’t tech reliant) and a computer in our car. Two people, one household, five computers! With the greatest of respect, put that in your pipe and smoke it Mr Watson.
Mr Watson can be forgiven when you consider that in 1943 the first computer hadn’t technically been invented. So, let’s think about a slightly later computer related “prophecy” …. In 1981 Bill Gates (yes him of Miscrosoft fame) declared that “640k ought to be enough for anyone” when referring to the totally processing power. That RAM and ROM! Your washing machine probably has more than that!
The impossible bumblebee
Finally, we need to remember that scientists were baffled when they looked at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Fortunately for the bumblebee it didn’t get the memo so fly it does.
What can we learn from all of this?
Well when I studied for my Life Coaching Qualification one of the first concepts I learnt about was the self-fulfilling prophecy. This basically means that if you wake up in the morning and think I’m going have a terrible day, you will have a terrible day. You believe all the evidence that “proves” running a sub four-minute mile is impossible you won’t be able to run a sub four-minute mile.
Your local bumblebee finally reads the memo that states it is impossible for bumblebees to fly, and it stops flying!
Dictionaries are wonderful things and I have several lying around the office. However, there are several words that need banning due to the damage they do to people’s self-confidence and self-worth. Impossible it now joining “never” on the scrap heap!
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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