Grief has a terrible habit of turning bright visions into a faded vision. Way back in January I wrote a blog about the importance of having a shared vision. You can read about that here.
This is part two ….
We often think that it is only huge changes that need a clear vision. You know the ones: moving to a new house, changing jobs, taking up full-time studying again, or asking your husband to leave the army because you struggle with the idea of him getting shot at.
You’d be right, they do need a clear vision, and a joint vision if you have a significant other who will be affected by the changes.
However, little changes also benefit from a clear vision.
Basically, having a vision in life helps.
Visions stop us from being like a rudderless boat. It is easier to navigate life if we have a clear idea of where we want to be.
The clearer our vision for what it is we want the easier it is to remain motivated. This is especially true when the changes we are implementing meet resistance from others.
It’s also true when the universe throws a spanner in the works. When our grief turns that once bright vision into a faded vision.
Our original non faded vision
If you’ve been following the Canbace Diaries for a while you will know that part of our shared vision is about moving to The Bahamas.
This vision started in 2003 when we looked at a map of the world and worked out some of our migration options.
The vision was fine-tuned in 2004 during our first trip to Exuma. Within a few hours of arriving we were in love. After a week we were besotted. At the end of three weeks I was all for buying a padlock and chain so I could lock myself to the dock and never leave!
The following year we bought our plot of land.
Things were moving fast.
This was not a faded vision it was a bright one. One that was becoming brighter and clearer by the day.
In 2006 we sold Andrew’s house in the UK and moved to France. We were one step closer.
Six months of working like mad and we’d put the house on the market, book our one-way tickets and never look back.
Then the brakes were applied.
Our six months of renovation have lasted 13 years.
Our personal world has changed. Endometriosis reared its ugly head. Infertility took its toll. Depression and grieve held us in a vice like grip for years.
Our vision was still there, somewhere in the distance. However, it wasn’t a bright and shiny vision. It was a faded vision lurking in the mist. A vision in waiting. Waiting for us to be ready to move forward again.
Adjusting the sails of a faded vision
Before we could start nurturing our faded vision, we had to reach a certain point in our healing.
One of the main reasons we loved Exuma so much was we felt it the perfect place to raise a family. It’s no co-incidence that the last time we visited the island was when my Endo made its presence known for the first time.
For years I felt too sad to even look at the wonderful photos we have of the island. It reminded me too much of the dreams we had a raising a family.
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” Jimmy Dean
Then we turned a corner.
We realised that the dream of raising children in the Bahamas is very different to the dream of raising children here in France.
How come?
We’ve lived in France for over a decade. We were in France when we were failing to conceive. Licking our wounds after our failed IVF cycle happened in France. Children have stayed in this house filling its rooms with laughter. I have cried in this house as my grief couldn’t be contained in my body for a moment longer.
The Bahamas had none of those associations. Yes, we dreamed of raising children there, yet we also dreamed of LIVING there.
Our faded vision could become bright and clear again. We could focus on creating a new, beautiful and courageous existence for the TWO of us, plus the pups and cats.
We had adjusted our sails and we’re back on course for The Bahamas.
We still have no idea when we are going to move yet we know that we WILL move one of these days.
How are we keeping the dream alive?
Aprendiendo a hablar español
By talking about our dreams, looking at our photos, designing our house and learning Spanish.
Yes, I thought that would make you wake up.
We appreciate that, when living on an island 35 miles long by a maximum of four miles wide, we might get island fever occasionally. When we do need to escape from paradise for a few days our easiest option is Florida. A LOT of Spanish is spoken over there.
Every day we do an hour of our Michel Thomas Spanish lessons. Even though our move could be a long way off we’re practicing thus ensuring we keep improving. It’s getting easier, although it is making our French worse. However, our no-longer faded vision is the Bahamas and not France so nurturing that vision is our priority. The one downside is that our desire to kill the male student on the CDs is growing by the day. As our Spanish improves his gets worse.
To make up for that we do have an added bonus. We may not be able to visit the Bahamas at the moment; we are able to spend time in Jerez de la Frontera. So, our Spanish will come in handy then, for obvious reasons.
Ahora es domingo y debo terminar de trabajar por el día para pasar tiempo con Andrew y los perros.
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Today’s activity is to think about the visions that you have for your future. Are they still “fit for purpose”? Do you need to adjust your sails slightly, so you reach the best destination?
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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