Where is the phoenix rising from the ashes that I had been looking forward to for weeks?
Despite the excitement and huge sense of purpose that publishing the magazine has given us this year has been a difficult one. There have been times when even the knowledge that we are Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence hasn’t been enough to stop the bad times from creeping in to our lives.
This year has seen our local circle of friends shrink considerably. One of our closest friends went into hospital for a routine procedure and didn’t survive. Another friend has finally made her move to Australia. It’s been on the cards for a couple of years now: however, when it finally happened it all happened so quickly.
We got three friends who live within five minutes’ drive of us who have put their houses on the market. One has accepted an offer, another has someone who has put their house in the UK on the market, so they can put in an offer. We haven’t heard the latest on the third house. In addition, friends who live in the UK and have owned a holiday home here for 25 years have decided to sell up.
If we didn’t want to move from here ourselves, we’d start to take this mass exodus personally!
Facebook doesn’t save the day
Fortunately, we have a wonderful on-line network of friends. Yet that’s not been all smooth sailing this year either. Facebook used to be a safe and fun place to hang out. It’s lost its appeal somewhat this year due to on-line bullying. For months I have only gone onto Facebook when I really needed to rather than when I wanted to spend time with friends.
So, whilst there have been some incredible highs this year there have also been low points. After 11 months of ups and downs I was really looking forward to the end of the year.
All I had to do was hang on until my SAD ended with the Winter Solstice and I would rise, phoenix-like from the ashes of 2018.
The phoenix has a plan
With this in mind we came up with a plan. Something that would allow us to hit 2019 at a run as we were determined that next year would be awesome.
I was to ignore my pre-solstice lack of mojo and we were going to knuckle down to get loads done before Christmas. The phoenix was going to be re-born a week or three early.
We were going to be ahead of the game with the rebranding and migration of the magazine. Blogs were to have been planned, written, prepared on WordPress and scheduled in advance. Our new Instagram account was to be up and running for the 1st Jan.
A snuffling phoenix
Unfortunately, the phoenix renewal has been delayed by the common cold. A humdinger of a cold: however, common none the less. I shouldn’t really complain because this is the first REAL cold that I’ve had for over two years. By REAL I mean one that has developed from a catch at the back of the throat and the occasional sniff into full blown hacking cough, streaming nose and blocked sinuses.
One REAL cold in two years is a major breakthrough for both of us. Previously Andrew and I would get our first cold at the end of October. Timed perfectly for the clocks changing. Another way of the universe signalling the arrival of my SAD. We would then have one cold after another until the end of April or May if we were really unlucky. Each cold would seamlessly morph into the next mutation of germs, so it was hard to pinpoint exactly when one stopped and the next took over.
So, I REALLY shouldn’t complain
Yet I am going to. So please forgive me. You see we are out of practice of “having a cold” and all the wonderful symptoms that entails.
We’ve forgotten how the days, AND nights, of endless coughing, wears your down. The tissues we bought when we realised this cold was the “real deal” were our normal “cheap and cheerful” variety. Tissues that we have dotted around the house for emergencies. Emergencies such as one of the pups having a weepy eye that needs cleaning. Or a cat being sick and us grabbing the nearest thing to hand.
Tissues NOT really suitable for blowing your nose with. Not having used these tissues for the purpose that they were originally intended this was something I forgot. Half way through the second day of “streaming nose” my nose was SHREDDED. So, Andrew had to brave the outside world and buy decent tissues. Ones with aloe balm and built in softness for me, others with menthol and eucalyptus for him. Not only did we both have our fist colds in years we had DIFFERENT colds!
It’s been a week since the Winter Solstice. Usually by this time my mood has lifted, and I am ready to embrace life again. Yet it hasn’t. I still feel like a wet blanket. I suppose I really shouldn’t have expected the end of my SAD to stick to the usual course of events. After all NOTHING about this year’s SAD has been “normal”. [You can read about “My SAD confusion and me” here.]
A moth-eaten Phoenix
By this stage my phoenix should have burst into flames, risen from the ashes and started to return to its full glory again. Instead my phoenix is coughing and spluttering still. It looks like Fawkes in Harry Potter: moth-eaten and sorry for itself because the burning day is long overdue.
Yet, there is hope hiding around the corner. I’m now on DAY 16 of my cold. I am starting to feel better, at last. By feeling better, I mean that I am no longer watching the seconds tick by waiting for the next time I can take my cold meds only to realise that I have another two and a half hours to go.
The trouble with starting to feel better is that my mind is now free enough of gunk that thoughts have returned to work. I look at our plan and see how far behind we are.
A miraculous phoenix
It’s going to take a miracle for us to be ready for 1st January 2019. However, phoenixes are miraculous, and phoenix-like I WILL rise from the ashes of 2018 and take the next year by storm!
There are BIG changes ahead which will be revealed in the first blog of 2019 on Tuesday.
In the meantime, have a brilliant New Year. I hope that 2019 will bring you healing, balance and acceptance as you Create A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence that you can REALLY embrace.
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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