When I decided that Wednesday’s should be my “beautiful perspectives” day I really had no idea what I was going to write about. I vaguely thought that I could find some quotes and give my perspective on them. Alternatively, I might think of a situation and see if I could find a different way of looking at it. Maybe even find an article relevant to the CANBACE community and put a different spin on it.
All great ideas for the future when I am not up against a very loudly ticking clock of the next publication of the magazine. What was I going to do this week?
Then I woke up this morning and realised that my friends on the other side of The Pond are celebrating Independence Day. Surely there are different perspectives to be found there: after all Americans are celebrating Independence whilst us Brits are ….?
As a Brit I always thought it a little strange wishing people well on the 4th July when they were celebrating the time when their ancestors basically stuck two fingers up at our joint ancestral home.
Perhaps in my new positive CANBACE mindset it was time for me to find some new beautiful perspectives for Independence Day. It would be great to find a way of fully engaging in my friends’ celebrations. Here’s what I came up with ….
Beautiful Perspectives can be about anything
If you are willing to look hard enough is it possible to find beautiful perspectives even about the worst of situations. Independence Day is a direct result of the American War of Independence. Now my American history isn’t up to scratch: however, what I do know is that the war wasn’t the result of one specific event. It was more the result of a series of events that eventually culminated in the outbreak of war.
It began as a disagreement about the way that Great Britain treated its colonies: they wanted to treat the colonies one way and the colonies wanted to be treated in another way.
A miscommunication of needs?
A misunderstanding about what “support” means?
An unwillingness to really HEAR what the other party is saying?
Basically, a breakdown in communication within a relationship.
Both parties were “speaking” yet the other was not actively listening.
Sound familiar?
The Americans felt that they deserved all the rights of Englishmen. The British Government of the time felt that they had the RIGHT to use the colonies in the best way that suited the Crown and the British Government.
A classic example of a minority being marginalised by the “ruling” majority.
The colonials felt victimised, marginalised, misunderstood, voiceless.
Sound familiar?
Beautiful Perspectives about everyday lives
Let’s forget about the bigger picture of governments for a moment and focus on the individual people involved. One of the rallying cries of the American Revolution was “No Taxation without Representation”. Now I admit that our community hasn’t got quite that far yet. However, I am sure many of us look at how the money raised from our taxes is spent and think “what’s in it for me?” I don’t have children so why I am paying for the children of other people? I produce less household rubbish than a family of four and yet I pay the same for garbage collection. Government are proactive in their pronatalist policies and panic at the slightest sign of a downturn in the birth rate.
“No taxation Without Representation”.
Sound familiar?
Let’s look a little closer to home, right into the lives of the people living through the American War of Independence. Families were torn apart of because family members supported different sides.
It could be accurate to say that the American Revolution was actually the Nation’s first civil war.
Take Phoebe, from Massachusetts. She was married to a Patriot (a “rebel”) whilst her brother was a Tory (a supporter of the British). Poor Phoebe would have found herself in the middle of it all their personal discord. There would have been arguments and bitter recriminations as husband and brother shared their views. Both would have attempted to convince Phoebe that her loyalty lay with them.
She was damned if she agreed with her brother and damned if she supported her husband.
The situation would have been made worse if her parents were also staunch supporters of the British and didn’t understand the predicament she found herself in.
Sound familiar?
Our much put-upon Phoebe …
would have found herself pulled in so many different directions at once. Her own views would probably have been drowned out by the stronger voices around her. She would have been accused of being selfish if she didn’t go to events and killjoy if she didn’t fully join in with celebrations.
The fact that her response was self-preservation rather than selfishness would never have occurred to her family or friends who didn’t fully appreciated her situation.
She would have felt isolated and unable to talk to even her closest of friends.
She would have been fearful of being judged, ignored or ostracised.
Sound familiar?
Dealing with toxic relationships
If problems within a relationship, be it at a personal level or a governmental level, aren’t dealt with to the mutual satisfaction of both “sides” then that relationship can become very toxic. It will reach the point of “no return”. Neither side can image that there is “common ground” let alone find it.
Communication breaks down.
Accusations fly.
Recriminations and reprisals abound.
The whole sorry mess slips into war, civil or uncivil!
No one wants to reach that stage in our personal relationships.
A beautiful new perspective …
We need to seek independence from relationships that are no longer serving us well. Doing it NOW before they become THAT toxic. That way we can still look back at our friendships with fond memories. Albeit with a little regret that we have grown apart. However, that’s far better than feeling completely betrayed if we had left the “split” too late.
So, my friends across The Pond I sincerely wish you a very happy Independence Day.
Our ancestors may have reached the point of no return in their relationships: however, that is in the past.
Today we are celebrating the creation of a new nation. The ditching of a “label”, a status, an identity that was no longer serving a group of people well.
That’s something I can totally relate to as I embrace being CANBACE. It’s also a beautiful perspective for a Brit who, until now, has not quite know what to feel on 4th July!
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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