This is the first in a series of short blogs dealing with the problems associated with ageing without children.
It’s a difficult topic to discuss however, it’s something that we shouldn’t bury our head in the sand about. Part of Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence MUST be thinking long and hard about our old age.
Ageing without children seems to be a major concern for the childless and has many areas that need looking into. However, I’m only going to look at a few in this blog series.
My views on this may be slightly controversial.
I believe that the majority of concerns about ageing without children are the same concerns that parents have too. I also think that some of these concerns can be easier for those of us without children than it is for parents. We know that we are going to have to plan for our old age. Appreciating that we will have to put all the arrangements in place, without the benefit/hindrance of children, could work to our advantage.
I did warn you I might be controversial.
“The ordinary experiences of ageing alter and clarify your view of past, present and future”. Edith Pearlman
So, let’s look at this blog’s focus issue …
Ageing without children issue 1
Who’s going to look after me in my old age?
This can be a major issue for non-parents. However, as I mentioned earlier, we might be better prepared as we know there isn’t going to be anyone to look after us. We have the opportunity to plan our care early. An opportunity that means we are not caught out later when it might be too late.
One of our friends is a highly qualified independent financial advisor (IFA). She has talked to us about this at length. As a very close friend she knows our situation and concerns about ageing without children. In her professional capacity she often has clients who are childless. She often finds those clients are more open and willing to discuss their options and plan for the future than those who are parents.
That ageing without children controversy
I actually believe that the issues surrounding this aspect are probably greater for those who do have children.
Let’s have a look at some of them
Quite a lot of people now retire overseas. This means that children are not in the same country. The extra logistics involved means it may take some time for them to get “back” in an emergency. The converse of this is where the children live overseas leading to the same outcome. I am a case in point as I don’t live in the same country as my parents.
Another consideration the quality of relationships. What happens if you have poor or strained relations with your offspring and/or their partner? That must be a huge and painful challenge for parents. One that is not as uncommon as one would hope. Always one to look for the smallest of silver linings, at least this is pain that the childless don’t have to deal with.
People used to have their children earlier. This can be an issue as we are all living longer. The children may be getting to be incapable of looking after their parents as they are old themselves. A friend of mine was in his 70s when his mother, living in a different country, died at the age of 104.
Nowadays people are having their children later in life. This can mean that the children may need to put their careers on hold to look after their parents. Is this something that they will all be willing to do? I doubt it.
People can die at any time
There is no guarantee that children will outlive their parents. My son died when he was seven. I have had time to adjust to the knowledge that I will be ageing without children.
For Nicci’s grandmother that wasn’t the case. Nicci’s mother was killed at the age of 56. By this time Grannie was 86. Up to this point Grannie had aged with children: well one child to be more accurate. They had planned her old age well. In hear early 70’s Grannie moved to a house in the next street. Ten years later she’d moved into the house next door with an inter-connecting door. Grannie and Nicci’s mum didn’t even need to go out into the street to see each other.
Everything was “sorted” or so Grannie had thought. Then suddenly all that support was taken away from her: it must have been devastating for her. A few years later Grannie moved into a residential home. Her day to day care was covered albeit at huge expense. Nicci was her only visitor. Her other granddaughter was living in Australia at the time.
In the next episode of this blog series we are going to look at some of the financial aspects. (I did mention we had a good friend who is an IFA).
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Have you thought about who or what is going to look after you as you get older? If not now might be a good time to start thinking about it.
For more information and support visit ageing without children here
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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