When firefighting risks becoming burnout

Burnout, whether physical or emotional is never fun.

It completely sucks when it’s both at the same time.

You reach the stage where you are no longer firefighting small challenges in your life.

It’s become one long and sustained firefighting exercise from which there is little respite.

Signs of general burnout

Chronic fatigue … been there … done that …. wearing the T-shirt
Insomnia … yep I’m sitting writing this at 06:50 having been awake since 01:20 for the second time this week
Forgetfulness … yesterday Andrew and I say “Belated Happy Birthday” to one of my closest girlfriends despite having said three times the day before “I MUST phone …”
Increased illness … I’ve had my first cold in three years and it lastest nearly a month
Loss of appetite …. If only! Seriously though. In times of stress I eat.
Anxiety … I am definitely more anxious than I was eight months ago
Depression … is lurking in the background. Hopefully by taking action now it will be cut off at the pass

Signs of emotional burnout

Lack of motivation …. difficult this one. I am motivated: however, I am not focused. I keep on flitting from one thing and the next.
Irritability … our “keep your marriage healthy” phrases is being used a lot at the moment. “I was wrong. You were right. I’m sorry. I love you.” Being said, by both of us, more than once a day.
Feelings of hopelessness … this one fluctuates. I’m VERY hopeful about the changes we are in the process of making in terms of the magazine, blog and book. Hopelessness is creeping in elsewhere though. We have no control over when we will be able to sell our house. Until we sell and move, we feel trapped here. Yes, living the dream life in France sucks when you want to be elsewhere.
Absentmindedness …. I attempted to put the rice cakes in the fridge yesterday. We had to go back out to the supermarket twice last week because we forgot something important.
Headaches … luckily this isn’t too much of an issue: however, my shoulders are very “crunchy” and that is where I tend to hold my stress rather than in the form of headaches.

You can read more about the signs of burnout here.

The cause of my burnout

Much of my burnout has been caused by the bully I’ve been subjected to, on and off, over the last 14 months. The work I do supporting the community was criticised as were some of my personal values. The ferocity of the attacks shocked me.

I didn’t know how to respond because I couldn’t and wouldn’t go on “the attack”.

I’ve felt very frustrated and emasculated because my options were limited. I couldn’t “retaliate” without damaging my reputation or lowering my standards to their level.

Instead I decided to respond by proving my critics wrong. The more support I offered the community, and more varied ways I offered that support, the less truth there was in their words.

“I have a theory that burnout is about resentment. And you beat it by knowing what it 
is you're giving up that makes you resentful.” 
Marissa Mayer

So, I agree that resentment causes burnout. It also makes deciding what needs to change very hard. Decisions based on resentment are often not good decisions.

Dragging my feet

Fortunately, I’m fairly self-aware. I knew that I was heading for a fall if I didn’t make changes. Andrew had been telling me this for a few weeks. It was difficult to accept though because having such a big purpose in life has played a major part in finding acceptance in my CNBC status. I have been healing because I am helping others to heal too.

I faced a major dilemma. How to make the changes that I needed to make for the sake of my own health whilst still severing the CANBACE/CNBC community? It was this dilemma that caused me to drag me heals for too long. I suspected that in order to make changes significant to have tangible benefits in my life I would have to let other people down.

After much soul-searching and falling back on coaching/business analysis tools we have finally found our way forward.

You can read about the techniques we used in earlier blogs as follows:

Drum roll for the announcements …..

The Magazine

The first big change we are making is to the magazine. We’d hoped that reducing the number of issues from six to four per year would be enough. It isn’t. There is simply too much work involved which stop me from working on other projects which are also important to me.

We are now going to publish the magazine twice a year on 1^st May and 1^st November. Early May can be a very triggering time with Mother’s Day for much of the world. It also coincides with Canbace Day so this was a no-brainer. As for the 1^st November, so just in time to support people in the run up to Christmas which is another very triggering and stressful time of year.

The magazine will also now be completely free. All paying subscribers have been contacted by email. If you have subscribed to the magazine and have NOT received that email, please let me know in the comments.

Unbreak My Heart

It was originally my intention to hold the book launch on 1^st May to coincide with Canbace Day. This is no longer realistic. Rather than rushing the book I’ve decided to give it the time and attention that it deserves. I am very proud of the way the content is shaping up and I don’t want to spoil that my rushing it.

I am now aiming for publishing during the summer.

The Flamingo Club

Andrew and I have been wanting to create a Canbace On-line community for a while now. I’ve also wanted to start creating some proactive healing courses. We’ve now realised that these are be combined in the form of a “Member’s Only” area of the website where people can access the training material and get support in different discussion forums. We’ve identified the software needed to create the new functionality and will be purchasing it this week.

All of my life coaching tools will be “CANBACED” to make sure that they focus on the specific needs that people in our community need. The focus will be on proactive healing training. Plans for the structure are coming along really well and I am very excited by what we have in store. The new Member’s Area will be launched on 1^st May.

Click on the image to find out more.

Canbace Day

Since coming up with the idea of Canbace Day I’ve had a huge number of ideas for on-line and in-person events. Unfortunately, life jumped up and bit me, so I haven’t made as much progress as I had hoped.

For this reason, I’ve decided to limit Canbace Day events to the launch of the free magazine and the launch of the new Member’s Area. I have to accept that I can do everything at once. The coming year will be about growing and supporting the Canbace Tribe in time for a more fully formed Canbace Day on 1^st May 2020.

Will this stop the burnout?

“The land of burnout is not a place I ever want to go back to.”
Arianna Huffington

Nothing is 100% certain in life. Andrew and I have spent a long LONG time discussing where we are now, and where we want to be in the future. We’ve had some very difficult decisions to make. Are they the right ones? Only time will tell.

What I will say is that I am a writer, a trainer and a life coach. These are my passions in life. I have loved running the magazine: however, my dream was to be a journalist not a magazine owner. Hopefully these changes will allow me to get back to my authentic being.

Remaining true to who you are is a vital part of Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence. I need to remember that in order to support you whilst you create your Canbace Life I must also nurture by own Canbace Life too.

Getting back to my coaching roots is part of that.

Do I still feel resentment towards my critics?

Not in the slightest.

Whilst what I have been through over the last few months has been horrendous, I am no longer resentful about what happened. In fact, I am now so far removed from feeling resentful I am actually very grateful. I know that I a stronger person for it. Partly because I am more self-aware than I was before and partly because I am living an even more authentic life than I was before. Not only that, Andrew and I are clearer about our vision about how to support the Canbace, infertility and CNBC communities.

It also means that I can now sign myself off as

The CANBACE life coach ….

Or should that be

The CANBACE LIFE coach

Practice makes perfect

It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Are you suffering from either physical or emotional burnout? If you are, take some time out to look at changes that you could make to help improve the situation. The changes don’t have to be huge. Often a little tweak here and there is enough to have a positive impact. In fact, simply by acknowledging the fact that you are feeling

Be kind to yourself …

In CANBACE friendship!

If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.