WhatNotToSay#5 looks at the “Why Don’t You JUST adopt?” question.
Within the Canbace/CNBC communities it is a question that is frequently heard. At best it shows a lack of knowledge about the arduous nature of the adoption process. It also shows a lack of understanding and empathy about the reality of our situations. After years, perhaps even decades, of not building the family that we dreamt of, we often don’t have the emotional resilience to withstand the process.
This is not selfishness on our part.
It is self-preservation.
If you don’t believe that, then consider the implications of pursuing adoption when you know it is going to have a serious effect on your health.
You somehow pass the approval process and are matched with a child. Your new life is started. As you settle into that life your body stops producing the adrenaline that has been keeping you going all these months. You relax. Then WHAM depression sets in or you suffer a nervous breakdown because your body has seen you through the hard times and can “stand down”.
Which is more harmful for the child?
- Being adopted by someone who had been emotional damaged by the process
- Waiting longer to go to a new home with the right adoptive parents
Now ask yourself, which is more selfish from the adult’s point of view?
- Not perusing adoption because you need to protect your well-being.
- Proceeding with adoption and then being physically present yet mentally absent parent due to medication for depression
WhatNotToSay#5 video
I often think that people who ask question do it with the best of intentions yet they obviously no absolutely nothing about adopting. So, we’ve recorded a short-ish video to explore this subject more. We look at some adoption related statistics and also share our own personal reasons for not adopting.
We hope our thoughts have given you something to think about. In Creating A New And Beautiful Existence we need to find ways to overcome the insensitive comments that people say to us.
#WhatNotToSay infographics
To help raise awareness about #WhatNotToSay we are creating an infographic for each of the topics we cover in this series. All of these images are downloadable so you can share them.
To download this week’s infographic please click on the image below. If you want to see the other #WhatNotToSay infographics that are currently available please click here.
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. If you are feeling strong enough, I would like you to plan your “ideal world” response to this type of comment. Give it a go even though no one has ever made this comment to you. There is always a first time, and it’s better to be prepared.
To help you keep track of all your work for the daily activities mentioned, we have created a Monthly Diary for you to record your progress. To download your copy of “My February Canbace Diary” please click here.
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything we have written or spoken about resonates we’d love to hear from you in the comments. We appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want us to publish your comment on the website, please let us know. We will keep your words private.
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