Strained relationships between mothers and daughters

The relationship between mothers and their daughters is a complex one. Frequently is it strained and tragically sometimes it is destroyed beyond repair.

As we struggle coming to terms with us never becoming mothers ourselves the obvious person for us to turn to is our own mother. They were a source of comfort and safety from the moment we were only a bunch of dividing cells. So, it’s natural that we would seek that comfort and safety again in our hour of desperate need.

Utopian mothers

Some mothers are great. I hear it all the time in the Canbace/CNBC communities. They understand how much pain their daughter is in. Unexpected “I saw this and thought of you” gifts arrive in the post. Time and understanding are given when, yet another pregnancy announcement, send us down into a spiral of despair.

If your mother is like this, I would like you to thank them for me. They are amazing women and I am so pleased that you have their support.

If that sounds like a utopia that you could only dream of, you are not alone. Unfortunately, these empathetic mothers are not the norm. They form a small minority that holds the lack of support and understand from others into sharp relief.

Foot-in-mouth mothers

Other mothers are mere mortals who get it right some, or at least most, of the time. They are supportive and understanding until that moment when they put their foot in it. Forgetting that it could be upsetting for you they gush at the news the Megan Markle fell pregnant so quickly.

If your mother is an occasional “foot-in-mouth” human, then please forgive them for their occasional gaffs.

We all have times when the words spill out of our mouths before we have time to think things through. It is far better to have a mother who gets it right 90% of the time than one who gets it right 10% of the time.

Absent mothers

Over the last six weeks I’ve seen several post on Facebook about the relationship that my fellow tribe members have with their mothers. When I read about the relationships, good, bad and ugly I wonder how supportive mine would have been if she were still alive today. Here are my thoughts.

Whilst my mother may not have given me the support that I deserve I do know one thing. She would be happy that I am Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence. She would also be proud that I am helping others to do the same.

The “What Not To Say” series

Relationships are often strained because people say inappropriate and sometimes down right cruel things. Andrew and I will be sharing our thoughts on a number of these comments in a new series of videos. The #WhatNotToSay videos will be published in the Canbace Diaries every Saturday. Our intention is to create something that you can share that helps raise awareness and educate people in the wider world. We will also be creating shareable images which will be available on this website, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Links will be provided in each blog.

Practice makes perfect

It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Today’s activity is to think about your relationship with your mother. It they are understanding and supportive most of the time find a way to thank them for their support and love. They will appreciate that you have noticed and appreciate what they do to help you through your grief. If your relationship is strained, then look at ways that you could improve the situation. This may mean some compromise on you part. I know we comprise a lot anyway: however sometimes a little give and take reaps huge rewards.

To help you keep track of all your work for the daily activities mentioned, we have created a Monthly Diary for you to record your progress. To download your copy of “My January Canbace Diary” please click here.

Be kind to yourself …

In CANBACE friendship!

If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.