For years I didn’t really feel that I had a purpose in life. Practically all my focus had been on improving my fertility and chances of conceiving. When that was taken away from me, I felt rudderless. I had no idea what I should do next.
Andrew and I hadn’t actually decided to stop trying to conceive. That decision was made for us when I needed to take the contraceptive pill to slow down the speed of my endometriosis. Suddenly everything that we had been focused on for years wasn’t relevant any more. We didn’t know what to do, so we did nothing. We were lost without a purpose.
“Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” John F. Kennedy
Living in limbo
For several years we didn’t even survive. Survival suggest us putting some energy into our lives as we struggled to get through. We merely existed not knowing we were grieving. Life moved forward and time passed yet we remained stuck. Stuck because we were in denial that anything was wrong. We thought we simply had to get on with life because that’s what you did.
Eventually we did realise that we need to grieve. We began the painful process of sticking our lives back together again. It was a slow process until we found a new purpose in life.
“Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose – a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.” Mary Shelley
Kisa and the mustard seed
When Andrew and I studied a course about dealing with depression we heard the story of the old woman and the mustard seed. The version we heard had been adapted by the trainer from the story of Kisa and how the Buddha helped her grief following the death of her son. You can read the original story of Kisa here.
Back to our course. The changes the trainer made meant that the story built on the original lessons about life, death and grief. However, his version also looked at how having a purpose in life can help you through that grief.
Here’s my version of the story. Whilst it does mention children and orphans, I hope that the benefits of the lessons outweigh any possible trigger.
Our mustard seed
Starting the magazine, and the work we do to help others as they are Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence has saved us. Our healing is happening because we are helping others to heal.
What’s your purpose?
Finding your purpose in life again will help you to heal. That purpose doesn’t have to be a huge one like starting a magazine. Little things can have a huge impact as well.
You can read more about why having a purpose in life is beneficial here.
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. If you are struggling with a lack of purpose in your life take a moment to think about what you could do to change that. Do you love animals and live close to a rescue centre where you could help you? Would an elderly neighbour love to have a bit of company or someone to read to them if their sight is failing? Is there a local charity that would benefit from the skills that you have to offer? Remember your purpose doesn’t have to be world changing because little acts of kindness often have the biggest impact.
To help you keep track of all your work for the daily activities mentioned, we have created a Monthly Diary for you to record your progress. To download your copy of “My January Canbace Diary” please click here.
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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