“With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights; without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments are beyond your grasp.” Unknown.
I couldn’t agree more. Over the years our confidence has really plummeted. It seems that, because we couldn’t conceive, that we no longer had the confidence we could achieve anything. Decisions were harder to make. When we made them, it was harder to stick to them. The slightest difficulty and we’d go scurrying back under our rock.
We felt like rabbits trapped in the glaring beam of our childless status.
Paralysed we believed that we would be stuck in the place for ever.
Except the place where we were stuck was changing slightly. We simply didn’t notice it.
Unfortunately, those imperceptible changes were not for the better. We gradually took less care of our appearance. Our weight crept up. Ill-fitting clothes were packed away saved for the day when we could squeeze back into them. New clothes were bought superficially to be comfy and have “expansion room”. They also needed to hide a multitude of sins. Colours were out and anything that enabled us to fade into the background was in favour.
A downward spiral
The less we cared about our appearance the less we did to keep fit or lose a couple of lbs. The heavier and flabbier we became the less confidence we had. It was far easier simply to hide. We did make an effort on the odd occasion. If we were invited, and accepted, an invitation we’d find something smarter to wear. When we did, we felt better and complement each other on the fact that we “scrub up well”. This gave us the confidence to make it through the event, yet these improvements were short lived.
My hair was my biggest challenge. I wasn’t having “bad hair days” I was having bad hair months. My mallen streak, which used to be a patch about the size of a 10 pence piece, was slowly growing.
For several years I had been dying my hair in an attempt to make the most of this unwanted feature. Fortunately, the affected areas gave my hair automatic high, or is it low, lights. Rather than having a solid block of colour there was depth to the colour. During the summer I used light blonde colours: this was my summer plumage. My winter plumage was a little darker. In this my hair dying regime imitated real life: my hair has always lightened slightly with more sunlight.
This status quo was fine until I started recording more videos. When wearing my “summer plumage” it looked as though I didn’t have any hair, unless my hair was washed and blown dry, so I could wear it down. Wearing my hair up, when I had my “winter plumage” on was fine. At least you could see I had hair!
To experiment I kept my darker plumage for two months longer than normal.
I hated it
The trouble with my winter plumage is it makes me feel duller during the summer months. When the sun is shining, I want to be as bright and bubbly as possible. It’s enough of a struggle as it is without feeling down whenever I looked in the mirror.
So, I needed to find a solution.
I found it the next time I stayed with my sister. She opened the door as a glamourous blonde rather than the dark brunette/black haired sister I was used to.
She looked FABULOUS!
Over a bottle of wine that evening, I told my sister that I had always been tempted to “go blonde”.
This wish had started on my last day at school when my best friend, Jo, and I both wore wigs. She was a natural blonde and wore a brunette wig. I wore a platinum blonde number. The result? Jo went from being very pretty to looking quite ordinary whilst I went from looking ordinary to looking amazing. Everyone in my year said “Nicci you MUST dye your hair.”
That memory had stuck with me for years: yet I never actually took the plunge. Did I take the plunge immediately? No, I still needed a little more time to build up my confidence.
Fast forward to May 2018
Over the previous four months my mallen streak had become far bigger. It now stretched from ear to ear. I was 90% grey at the front of my head yet go back little more than an inch and that dropped dramatically to 5% grey. It was so prominent that I looked like a badger, except the streak didn’t run from front to back. As standard Cruella de Vil badger streak I could have coped with.
Drastic action was needed.
Andrew and I talked about it. We discussed the pros and cons of going completely blonde. I wasn’t convinced. Perhaps that ship had sailed. Was I too old, at 50, to become a blonde bombshell?
So, for a couple of weeks I lurked around the hair dyes isle whilst in the supermarket, contemplating my options.
Eventually I KNEW what I wanted to do.
Now all I had to do was convince Andrew that I wasn’t mad. That took another week or two.
A return of confidence
Then I took the plunge and bought the dye. I left it in the cupboard for a while until one morning I woke up and announced, “This is the day.”
An hour later the dead was done.
I obviously needed to have begun Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence for me to have confidence to go shocking pink!
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Confidence and appearance are very closely linked. If your self-confidence has suffered give yourself a bit of a makeover to life your spirits. It doesn’t have to be as radical as dying your hair prink. Buying a new pair of sunglasses or some “fancy” gloves with a matching hat works wonders too.
To help you keep track of all your work for the daily activities mentioned, we have created a Monthly Diary for you to record your progress. To download your copy of “My January Canbace Diary” please click here.
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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