Grinning and bearing it is what we do but is it the best thing to do? Can we use the need to stop grinning and bearing it as a boost to change our situation?
There are two perspectives of grinning and bearing it:
- Because there is an end in sight you are “happy to let things play out” until it stops.
- There is no hope of change, so the only option is to grin and bear it.
Grinning and bearing it version one
The first one we have all had experience of. Be it being stuck at an airport or having to attend a function you really don’t want to. Nicci and I had one which went on for a couple of days, when we flew into Nassau in 2007. Little did we know that Hurricane Noel was approaching. It turned out that we had arrived on the last flight into Nassau. The Airport was going to be closed until further notice.
Our overnight stay in Nassau turned into three. Luckily as no one else could get to the island we could stay on at our hotel. The hotel owner was panicking slightly: none of the staff could get to work. So, all the guests mucked in with the food preparation. We grinned and beared it with good humour.
Grinning and bearing it version two
There is a popular saying of support in the community that it is “OK not to feel OK”. I agree with this up to a point. However, I believe we need to have balance about what things are OK not to feel OK about. This depends on where you are in your childless journey.
If we are still TTC then are we’re in the we only have to grin and bear it until it stops category. If that has come to an end, then how long do we grin and bear it for? We can’t grin and bear it for ever, can we? Surely that is an existence not a life. Eventually we must look for ways of accepting our situation, so we can create a new beautiful and courageous existence.
Grinning and bearing it after failed IVF
We certainly went into a grinning and bearing it stage after we were told that IVF would not work for us. We started to withdraw from the life we had been building. It was no longer the life that we had hoped for. The problem was we didn’t realise that we were doing it until a couple of years later. This made it a lot more difficult to climb back up.
Tipping Points
Where ever you are in your journey there are some pointers to say when you need to stop grinning and bearing it:
- Pain of current situation is greater than the fear of making changes.
- Situation is getting worse not better.
- Don’t know what needs to change but know that something must change
- Fed up of feeling miserable and sad all the time.
- Seeing other people within the community move forward which gives you the hope that you can move forward
Now this is all well and good but how do you know. It can be very difficult because we didn’t realise that we were grinning and bearing it for quite a few years. This caused some issues that may be relevant to you.
- Not good for your health
- Negative impact of not leading an authentic life
- Can’t expect friends and family to understand and give you appropriate support if you are masking the truth from them.
These are just some of the issues we encountered by not realising that we were grinning and bearing it
Post grinning and bearing it first steps
Once you realise that you have been grinning and bearing it, you need to look at what changes you need to make to have a happy life. This is where the fun starts as we are all different. What works for one will not necessarily work for all. Think of all the Gurus who write books about how to do something. Well unless you start in exactly the same place and have the same circumstances then their method is unlikely to have as good an outcome for you as it did for them. Also, you will have to go through the mistakes they made.
See what little changes you can do first and build upon them rather than one massive change. Also, little changes are easier to roll back on if they don’t work. Now that we are Creating A New, Beautiful And Courageous Existence, we’ve started to make little changes and they are beginning to have an effect.
Practice makes perfect
It’s all well and good writing about things in theory: however, we need to start applying what we learn. Be honest with yourself. Are you grinning and bearing things in your life that actually you shouldn’t be accepting anymore? Look at what you want to change and see if you can come up with a small change that may improve your situation.
To help you keep track of all your work for the daily activities mentioned we have created a monthly diary for you to record your progress. To download your copy of “My January Canbace Diary” please click here.
Be kind to yourself …
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.
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